Posted in GUEST POST SERIES: PERSPECTIVE AND FEMINISM.

Feminism and Relationship; To submit or not to submit?

Hiya!

We’re back with the guest post series. You can catch up with the genesis of the whole series by following this link Here. Over to Margaret now, the guest on the blog.

Greetings from Texas! Again, I want to thank you for opening your minds and hearing my perspective on this subject of feminism.  A young man sent the following question and before I continue to answer the questions from the women, I thought I should answer this one. In answering this question, we still need to return to the starting point of what we each believe. For the women it gives some insight into how men are trying to navigate things in the world today as believers. In this case he is asking some practical things that are important to consider.

Where does a woman draws the line between being independent with a voice to be heard and submitting to her husband’s will? How does she know when she is rightfully on one side and when she is exploiting/being exploited the other?

In my opinion to answer the question, it isn’t either option. Both men and women are entitled to their opinion. Neither person should ever try to exploit the other. Exploitation is not part of God’s plan for marriage. It is counterproductive to the oneness God wants in marriage as a foundation for society. If husbands want to be respected and wives want to be loved, they will develop the skill of listening. They will also ask questions and verify what each other is saying before responding. If you don’t have all the information and make a snap response it may reveal a lack of trust.

Also, it can damage a person’s perceived discernment.  Communication both ways is important, so you find unity in all your decisions.  This requires commitment, research and digging deeper to know why there is a difference in perspective.  When there is mutual accountability and submission to God’s Word, things that dishonor God are minimized. Sometimes one or the other of you are incorrect, disagrees with the timing, or has additional information. When sin of theft, deception or infidelity are involved it is obviously something that dishonors God.

To minimize conflicts, couples need to be open with each other…no secrets! If two people are believers in Jesus, they discuss their beliefs and starting points while they are courting so they determine whether they or like- minded or as the Bible says, “equally yoked.” The main thing is that you agree on the big things in life like the following:

  • Do you both believe Jesus to be who He says He is as Lord?
  • Do you both believe that the Bible is true and understand who God is and his perspective?
  • Do you both believe in eternal life and God’s plan of restoration?
  • Do you both believe He created everything and is in control of everything?
  • Do you both understand faith in God and trusting God’s results even when it may not be what you thought you wanted?
  • Do you both believe in honoring God in all your decisions?
  • Do you understand what it means to be a child of God, created in His image?
  • Do you understand God’s character and are you able to measure your decisions based on what He would want you to do?

Next there are the practical things that need to be thought about such as:

  • Where do you want to live? In the city or village?
  • How many children do you want to have?
  • Are your thoughts about family planning in agreement?
  • Will you both work and have careers?
  • How do you feel about sharing household chores?
  • Will you have house help?
  • What are your dreams? Are they compatible and possible even if different?
  • Are your families compatible?
  • What are your expectations of each other? (church to attend, work, finances, chores, school, discipline of children, routines, sex)
  • How will you handle the finances? Joint checking account? Budget created together?

These are just a few things to consider during the process of courting. The purpose of courting is to determine if you are compatible before you make a mistake and marry before you really know each other. This is the first step before marriage so your expectations of what is ahead are clear. There are other things that come up like politics, religion, tribes, race, and language that may need to be discussed so the history each person brings are (is) understood.

Once you really know someone in these areas you realize whether you want to spend your lives together. Life is full of ups and downs and we never know what is ahead but if you lay a firm foundation of mutual love, respect, a genuine commitment, and friendship you can weather the storms together.

When you research each other honestly early on you know how each other will respond to things. As I mentioned in the beginning, knowing your starting point and what you believe, and your expectations eliminates a lot of conflict and confusion.

If you do find yourself disagreeing on things it is important to ask yourself, “what is the reason behind the disagreement?” Is it pride, control or deception?  Sometimes we just want our way. Other times we want to control everything. Often we haven’t verified the information we are hearing from our spouse and draw wrong conclusions. Sometimes you may have legitimate disagreements based on your understanding of Scripture.

When we inquire of the Lord about our decisions and pray together about the issues many times we can come to an agreement. Remember all of the things I am saying are in the context of both the man and woman being believers who want to treat each other in a Christ-like way. This is foundational to starting a great relationship. Both people exhibit the fruits of the spirit towards each other.

22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 New International Version (NIV)

Unfortunately, there are marriages and relationships that are not researched or based on a Biblical foundation of unconditional love and respect. This is where we see physical and emotional abuse at times and infidelity. Sin and deception are usually the root causes of breakups and pain. God is not in the picture and it is a spiritual issue that is impacted by the condition of the heart.  The only way to change the heart is to seriously consider who Jesus is and why He died for us. It is important to realize we need a savior before we can come out of a deceived condition of the heart. Then freedom from guilt and pain goes away.

To get to the bottom-line answer, it depends on many variables and the causes of the conflicting views. God values each person and has a personal relationship with the man and the woman in the relationship. Both people in the relationship should hold each other accountable to godly standards of behavior so both honor God. Discernment of things by both people comes by understanding God’s character and perspective on things. God reveals these things in the Bible. Without knowing the specifics of a situation, it is hard to answer the question except in a broader way.

Margaret Noblin, The Rock Outreach-US 501c3/The Rock Kingdom LTD-Uganda NGO. Email me at writertex@gmail.com

Posted in Book Reviews 📖

BOOK REVIEW: MANCHESTER HAPPENED, Jennifer Nansubuga Makumbi.

Hey ya’ll. How are you holding up?

Been recovering from the Afrobloggers Winter challenge. Thank you for reading me and it was such an honor reading you. I feel like I’ve actually made friends. Not just blogger friends but people I can do life with.

Cheers to that.   

So, this should have come sooner but here it is now.

Manchester happened.

The first time I read the title I kept wondering what the plot of the book would be. A friend actually suggested that I read Kintu first to intermingle with Makumbi better but I’m glad I read this as my first interface with her.

Jennifer Nansubuga Makumbi is a Ugandan novelist and short story writer and has a PhD from Lancaster University. Manchester happened was published in 2019 by one world publications and her short story that features in this book; “Lets tell this story properly” won the Common Wealth Short story prize.

Interesting Bio right? Most say Jennifer does for Ugandan Literature what Chinua Achebe did for Nigerian writing and I don’t doubt this. You shouldn’t too. Here’s why…

****

Some of the pointers that one of the characters gives a ‘new arrival’ from Uganda to Manchester.

“Let me tell you about this place; you come, you do your job and you keep your head down. Carry a lot of thank you’ s, I’m sorrys and excuse mes… be careful, you fall out with one of them, you fall out with all of them, they all turn against you… don’t tell people about your degrees; play dumb, dumb protects you. Don’t tell them how rich you are back home; they won’t believe you. When they ask, do you like this country? Say its fantastic! When they ask, do you plan to stay? Say of course not! They ask would you like to become British? Say I’m proud to be Ugandan. Finally, they have this thing of being nasty very politely: learn the skill.”

The book is divided into two parts.

Part 1 is departing and part 2 is about returning.

Each section of the different parts features fascinating stories of innumerable Ugandans and their experiences in Manchester. If you’re a lover of books and are Ugandan, she makes it feel sooo much at home as you flip the pages and find Luganda phrases here and there that crack you up. I kept nodding my head and saying Ugandans are so predictable right? Even in Manchester. Hahah.

She zings this up with the style of writing she adopts. So, in Uganda, there’s this thing called ‘direct translation’. Basically refers to how someone can directly translate something from vernacular to English in a way that totally defies the rules of grammar and literature. Jennifer adopts this exceptional style of writing and its very very relatable. She laments that if Shakespeare wrote prose that Ugandans and other Africans understood even if it was alien to them, then why wouldn’t ‘they’ understand our mode of speaking?

Sweet truth right there.

What particularly cracked me up was a story of a dog that found itself in Manchester. Hahah. Now who would have thought that Makumbi would incorporate a story of a dog that goes through cultural shock in the transition from being a free-spirited dog on the streets of Uganda, to a pet in Manchester?

All the stories fused in this book of diverse experiences of Ugandans in the diaspora and the changeover that has to be made on their return will surely give you insight to expectations, in case you were thinking of traveling. I feel like it’s a 101 guide to departure and return of Ugandans to and fro the diaspora and how to make the whole cultural settlement and transition.

East or West, Home’s always best!

This is surely a must read for the Ugandan loyalists and any one else who’d love to get a feel of what a typical Ugandan family setting and life style is.

****

Anci and uncle B are teaching me how to leave the readers curious during book reviews and to desist from giving too many spoilers! So that’s about it.

Let me know what you think once you get round to reading it. You can check out her 2020 publications; A Girl Is A Body of Water and First Woman.

Cheers.

Special SO to my camera guy. Hahah his shadow came through! *winks*
Posted in Winter Blogging Challenge 2020

#WinterABC2020 Day last; It’s done thru.

Mambo *slang for how are you in Swahili*.

I’ve been procrastinating to write this and reading other peoples blogs just made me realize that its actually done. Mehn oh mehn. Time won’t stand still today will it?

Its been a bomb writing and having my thoughts and mind triggered to topics that I’d never thought about. Thank you Afrobloggers. It was my first winter blogging challenge and this is me already counting down the 365 days left to the next challenge. So sad.

I’m so glad I’ve got to network with so many writers across Africa. You all write so gorgeously. I treasure getting to know the depth of your minds and desires and I’ll be sending prayers your way every day.
Thank you for reading me and for all the incredible compliments that got me smiling through out my day and I’ll honestly miss scrolling through my phone late in the night trying to dive further into your worlds. But I won’t stop reading you. Please keep writing so that my feed is buzzing with all your incredible writings.

Adios blogging challenge and Hello to the rest of the year reading you…

And still we rise.🔥

Cheers.

Posted in Essay competitions

WANAFUNZI PERSONAL FINANCE ESSAY.

Hiya!

Remember the personal finance essay I told you about? The one I submitted to Wanafunzi Kenya? Well, the voting portals have been opened!!! Yay us.       

I need your support to vote for my article so that it wins the essay writing competition. Several articles were shortlisted for the final round and mine was one of them.

The voting prompt is quite easy.

Just click on the link I’ll post at the end of this blog,

Read my article on how I manage my personal finances,

At the bottom of the article, is a prompt asking whether you like the article,

Please say yes.

Then the ‘vote for this article’ option will pop up, please vote too.

You’ll get a notice thanking you for voting the article.

Please please head there and spread the awareness too. Twitter and WhatsApp would be amazing. We gotta win this right?

My win is your win too.

That you very very much. Bless you all. Here’s the link where the voting is…     https://wanafunzi.co.ke/an-african-salary-for-a-western-lifestyle-ill-pass/                   

Posted in Winter Blogging Challenge 2020

#WinterABC2020 Day 21; Lets take it back a tad bit.

Hiya!

It the second last day and we’re recycling old blog posts. I have so many I’d like you all to read but I’ll recycle this particular one because I wrote it at a time I needed some clarity and I was grateful for the people God placed in my life.

Two of them recently opened up blog posts and you can follow them; https://theladykiai.wordpress.com/ and https://brawchild.wordpress.com/

My sisters have held my hand through the hardest times this year and prayed, cried and ranted with me late in the night. I’m very grateful for them and so, these are some of the hacks that have sustained our relationship. Over three years and counting and I am grateful.

Here’s the post.

https://khananidaniella.wordpress.com/2020/01/26/hacks-to-keeping-a-constant-support-system/

Cheers.

Posted in Winter Blogging Challenge 2020

#WinterABC2020 Day 20; Life changing event.

Muli Uli *How are you in Tumbuka Zambia* Thanks for this greeting Bex.

Its stimulating to learn a new greeting every day is it not? 

I think the one event that transformed my life was a leadership camp in January 2014 organized by the Junior Achievement Uganda. It was hosted at my secondary school and we were just out of our O’level vacation headed to do our A ‘level.

This camp tackled very many themes about financial management, creating a first impression, setting life goals, table etiquette and having a life vision and mission to mention but a few.

This sounds like an ordinary workshop that you can attend for ‘capacity building’ right? It could have been so, but it gave me a whole paradigm shift that I have never strayed from.

Mostly on personal finances.

One of the speakers, a female in the banking sector, I really wish I could remember her name, spoke words that marked the beginning of my life dreams and vision. She was the facilitator of the afternoon sessions and was going to tackle the topic of personal finances and this was her beginning phrase.

‘Don’t spend an African salary on a Western lifestyle.’

Now, by 2 in the afternoon, my attention had really waned and I was looking around the room for some hunkies; because I’d been in a single sex school all O’level and now there were boys on our fort. We had to be the lions, right? And them the prey. Hahah

But that statement right there hit so hard and she got my attention. Her argument was that Ugandans love to live such a lavish life; go to spurs, eat pork, sponsor their friends and go watch movies on their monthly 200k salary (for a not-so-rich Ugandan) and spend it all before they even receive it. She counseled us that living like this would eventually breed poverty and that’s how the cycle begins.

She further warned us to invest the money and gave us a scenario that prodded me to think twice about what I do with my money before splashing it all away.

‘If you got money, bought bread and planted it, nourishing and watering it expecting it to grow, what would happen after 12 months? It will still be bread. But think about buying orange seeds or tomato seedlings. Nourish and water them and after 12 months, you’ll have a full-grown plant with fruits.’

That to her, summarized what investment meant. She cautioned us not to spend our money on ‘bread’ but on things that will multiply and grow over time. That’s captivating advice, right?

The whole camp taught us things about opening dollar accounts, accounting for our money and making life goals and visions that I blogged about during the UG Blog month. You can find them here and here.

Ever since 2014, I’ve been very strict about how I spend my money, what I spend it on and the concept of ‘the future’ which many Africans see as oblivion, not to plan. But trust me if everyone had this knowledge before corona virus came along, we’d be such a long way ahead in fighting the starvation that’s going on in our country. Living from hand to mouth is such a perilous thing and you don’t need to have ‘enough’ money to be able to save.

You’d be shocked at how much saving 1000Ush. a day amounts to at the end of the year. (not so much but its something right?)

This stems to my passion and vision of ridding Africa from its heavy debt burden on the western block. We need to graft such practices in toddlers so that the leaders of the next generation will manage the country’s resources better; based on the training they have received from a young age.

I actually submitted an essay for an essay competition, about personal finances to an organization in Kenya called Wanafunzi Company and my article was shortlisted for the final round. I’ll definitely need your support when the voting portals open sometime this month or next month. I’ll keep you posted on when they do.

But honestly, that camp changed my perception about life, thinking about it holistically and making plans that even though don’t come to pass, still are in existence. Gives you a sense of direction.

Ill forever be grateful for that time.

Have a great weekend and cheers.

Posted in Winter Blogging Challenge 2020

#WinterABC2020 Day 19; Five songs.

Hiya!

I must say I’ve run out of vernacular greetings but 18 days of learning different greetings has been more than an honor for me. Thanks a bunch for helping me learn these.

Ill get right into my five top songs.

Do it again; Elevation worship.

I love this song because every time I star doubting Gods will for my life when things aren’t going well, I’m reminded that He’s done it before and so He’ll do it again.

Like and avalanche; Hillsong.

This song! Caught up in Gods grace like an avalanche is what resounds. It’s so strong and very hard to get away from.

Here as in heaven; Elevation worship.

This just makes me want to get to heaven already. I love this song for the atmosphere it creates. I get chills every time I sing it.

Brighter days are yet to come; Sauti Sol.

I love this one for the hope it brings. The assurance that the night won’t last forever.

The Only; NF.

I love this one because it reminds me that I’m not the only one doing this whole life journey and adulting, so I shouldn’t be so entitled and throw expectations to everyone but extend the same grace to others.

And those are my top five for now.

Cheers.

Posted in Winter Blogging Challenge 2020

#WinterABC2020 Day 18; One last kiss.

By the time he woke up, I was dying.

Jeff’s nervous voice rang out in a loud shriek when he awakened to the sour taste of blood on his lips. This was my way of saying goodbye. Just one last kiss.

It was 3:30 AM, Saturday morning.

***

Hiya, 

My name is Nancy Drew and this is how my story began and ended……

Jeff Grasham was thrilled to make this evening enchanted for me. I’d just been signed as the first black, female partner at Baker McKenzie law firm and he knew how avidly I’d worked towards this position. The cocktail was ending at about 5 PM that evening and he’d booked me for a romantic dinner underneath the stars at the rooftop of our apartment. (he knew my love language pretty well.)

Jeff and I had met the same year I finished my Masters at the London School of Economics. He’d been to Oxford for his post graduate and when we both applied for paralegal at Baker Mackenzie, we knew from the onset, that something between us would spur up.

In his 5th year at the firm however, he’d changed dreams and wanted to pursue his own specialized firm majoring in Aerospace law and Artificial Intelligence. By this time, he’d built his reputation and setting up a firm wasn’t as hard in London as along as you’d been there and in practice for over ten years.

I buttressed his dream. He proposed to me and I said yes.

As evening dawned that say, the partners were tipsy and seeking to take it to the next level, I got an SOS text from my best friend and I had to leave. I knew I’d make it in time for Jeff’s dinner if I left the firm by 6PM to head down Abbey Road, and get to her apartment before 7, I’d be sure to call Jeff and notify him I’d be home by 9PM.

After making the calculations and distances in my head, I walked to the partners loop and informed them that I would be taking my leave. It was met with the usual courtesy nooo’s and don’t go’s until they finally relented when I refused to budge.

I pulled out my phone to inform Jeff that I’d made a small detour to Vanquisha’s and I’d be home by 9 for the dinner.

I drove through Abbey road and parked right outside Vans’ apartment. She was waiting on her balcony and she scumbled into my arms as soon as she saw me walk through the door. She was bleeding.

She narrated to me how Terrance, her psychotic ex had somehow gotten a copy of her key to the house and entered and raped her while she took her afternoon nap. She had called in sick from work that morning and needed time off to rest.

“Van!!!!!! Whyyyy?? Why haven’t you gone to the hospital yet? Have you called the ambulance? That psycho!! How dare he?? He’s going to see my wrath today. Have you called the police?” I blurted out, tears irrepressibly progressing down my cheeks.

Van was hysterical. She couldn’t say a word. Curled up in-between my arms. She continuously wailed. I knew I had to call the police and take her to the hospital just to make sure she was okay and to get the PEP pill.

With quivering hands, I got my phone and dialed 911. It took ages for them to connect me to an officer but a sweet voice on the other end with a heavy Hispanic accent asked if they could help me. I re-counted the ordeal in tears and gave them the address to the house. It was 8PM by the time my quivering hands got off the phone with the paramedics who were about thirty minutes away.

Van’s body had shrunk into the sofa that we were sitting on and I decided to go fix her something to eat because it was going to be a stretched night for her. I texted Jeff on my way to the kitchen, filled him in and told him that I might be out longer than I had projected. He immediately called and asked if he could come and help but I told him I’d handle this, besides the cops were on their way.

I heard the door open and footsteps in the sitting area when I got off the phone with Jeff.

“Van? Van, I told you to lay down, I’m fixing you something warm to eat.” I beckoned.

No word.

“Van? Where are you going? Why did the door open?” I persisted, pulling the bacon out of the fridge and putting bread in the toaster.

Still no word.

Then I heard a yell of anguish…

My heart paced so fast I could barely gather up the energy to lift my legs. I walked to the sitting area and found Terrance with a gun over Vans head. I’ve never felt so destitute. I was reaching out for the phone when the hand with the gun shifted towards my direction and his heavy Macunian accent warned me not to do anything silly.

I stubbornly speed dialed 911 and he saw this.

Boom. Boom. Shorts fired. Door slammed and I fell to the ground.

After about 2/3 minutes, I staggered to my feet. I’d been shot on my shoulders and stomach. Van and Terrance were out of the room and the only thing on my mind was Jeff…

I couldn’t die before seeing him. It was about 10 PM now and the police hadn’t yet arrived. With the George Floyd riots all around London, the police response rate had more than tripled with the delay.

I lifted my throbbing body and got to my car. Drove to the apartment. Climbed up the flight of stairs and entered the house. Jeff was in the bedroom taking a nap and he was still fully dressed. The table was set and the house was filled with sweet smelling food aroma.

I crawled into bed next to him and held his face for a while. He was such a heavy sleeper. He didn’t flinch a bit. I remembered the first time I met him, our first date, the first kiss, the day we moved into the apartment. Everything came rushing to me. The pain in my limbs had kicked in and I was bleeding profusely.

I leaned in and kissed him.

By the time he woke up, I was dying.

Jeff’s nervous voice rang out in a loud shriek when he woke up to the sour taste of blood on his lips. This was my way of saying goodbye. Just one last kiss.

It was 3:30 AM, Saturday morning.

Posted in Winter Blogging Challenge 2020

#WinterABC2020 Day 17; Sexual and Reproductive Health rights.

Nogambaki *How are you in Runyankore, Uganda*. Thank you Sparkle for this greeting.

I hope ya’ll have recovered from all the healing, loss and grief we went through yesterday, because it’s a new day, right? Living each day at a time is very imperative.

So, the topic I chose today is trending in Uganda and Africa at large. I’m sure you’ve heard about it. It’s a subject that’s being pushed forward by many Non-for-profit organizations and the World Health Organization as well.

Come to think of it, this would double as a matter close to my heart as was required by day 15.

Anyhow, with the corona lockdowns and the closure of borders, there have been many persons in the CSO’s coming up to advocate for Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for girls and mothers who have been lockdown in their households.

For those who might be speculating what this is, here’s a quick intro. 

The World Health Organization defines SRHR as encompassing efforts to eliminate preventable maternal and neonatal mortality and morbidity, to ensure quality SRHR services including contraception, and to address the sexual and reproductive health needs of adolescents.

That definition looks acceptable right? Just another good initiative to ensure that the girl child has access to these good services. Don’t be deceived.

Reading more into this subject, you will find the concealed agenda. Now I would want to refer to it as an agenda because if the WHO didn’t think that what it was advocating for had dire effects, it wouldn’t need to sugar coat it right? To look picture-perfect on the outlook so that as many African countries could adopt the movement.

However, I’ve never been more appreciative for the law. And here’s why we need to be careful about the things we’re advocating for.

There’s an International Covenant (law) called the International Covenant on Economic, Social and Cultural Rights that has a committee that makes more detailed comments on a particular provision of the major convention. In particular, for SRHR, there was formed the General Comment 22 in 2016, to give a broader and more detailed analysis of what sexual and reproductive health rights are.

Now, before I lose you in the legal jargon, I want you to follow me to this particular paragraph of general comment 22. (keep in mind the definition given by WHO).

Paragraph 28 of General Comment 22;

The realization of the rights of women and gender equality both in law and practice requires repealing or reforming discriminatory laws, policies, practices in the area of sexual and reproductive health… preventing unintended pregnancies and unsafe abortions requires states to…… liberalize restrictive abortion laws and guarantee women access to safe abortion services, quality post abortion care…. Respect women to make autonomous decisions about their SRHR.

That’s it.

Right there in the middle of the many legal words thrown around that paragraph is the need for states to liberalize their abortion laws and adopt laws that permit this action.

Not to forget that under paragraph 6 of this General comment, the WHO defines sexual health as being related to sexuality. (this means your sexual orientation under the LGBTQ, capacity of sexual feelings, sexual activity, to mention but a few.)

I could write a whole paper on this, which I will do one day.

But what disturbs me is the fact that there is so much focus on the African girl child accessing these SRHR services but what really is the goal? Is the intention for African countries to lose their morality and accept abortion laws into their Parliament? Is it that girls as young as 16/ 17 have access to a fulfilling and satisfying sexual life and use protection while at it? Or is it for the African girl and male to explore their possibility of being under the LGBT curve?

Now, I can’t answer all these rights now, but the African culture and customs value life so much to the point that even suggesting an adoption of abortion laws is ridiculous. Why don’t they focus on eradicating poverty amongst the Africans, ensuring that the majority of the population of the African child goes to school instead of pushing for people to explore their sexuality?

Surely?

What sick person approaches an uneducated starving child and tells them that they have a right to access condoms and have pleasurable intercourse?

Anyways, *calms down*, we need to be more alert and aware of the things we post and repost on social media. What agenda are you promoting behind all the sugar-coated surface?

Think about that for a second.

Cheers.

Posted in Winter Blogging Challenge 2020

#WinterABC2020 Day 16; Of Grief, Loss and Healing.

Muli-shani *How are you in Bemba, Zambia*

Please do send me ways they greet in your vernacular; I’d love to explore all the dialects before this challenge ends. Thanks, Hope, for this Bemba greeting.

Today I did a lot of reading, as the blogs kept coming in from early morning and my oh my. So much wisdom shared and so much pain, loss and suffering overcome. I’m super supa proud of each and every one of you for sharing your stories. Today is one of those days I needed to do more reading than writing. I’m glad I did. God bless your hearts.

But on healing, I must say, most of you wrote my heart on healing. 

Give yourself the grace to. You need it.

I’ll liken it to swimming. (I got this from a spoken word album by Titilope Sonuga, SWIM 2019) Here’s an excerpt.

Ghost/ How to Heal; Titilope Sonuga.

You loved your ghost so hard it swallowed your heart

Bloodied your hands to polish its face

Till it shone back, a mirror reflection.

You kissed that shadow into being

Taught it how to feel, laugh, speak human-like

No one ever taught you the alchemy of your love,

Its magic animates the bones of even the most fossilized.

In the end, what you really miss is your own

Hearts beat echoed back.

You don’t miss them

What you miss is yourself.

So, this is how to heal the wound:

One, cleanse with salt water.

It’s the only way to release the poison.

Two, you will need a healing balm, more love

More love, be generous in your application.

Three, let the wound breathe.

Don’t cover it until it festers and rots.

Speak it and let it go.

Let it go.

Four, do not pick the scab.

***

Cheers.